Is your partner insensitive and unkind?

Kim and Steve Cooper’s popular radio show, The Love Safety Net, is back… offering help for abusive relationships.

Don’t let them tell you there is no hope!

Please listen to the broadcast or read the transcript here

8 Responses to “Narcissism: The Relationship Wrecker”

  1. Debbie said

    I just came across your web-site. I’ve been married for about 16 years. The last five years I’ve been aware of NPD and pretty much diagnosed it in my partner. I probably should have left; however I have two children and I was at home with the youngest who had severe allergy issues. Now I am back to work and it is probably time to leave. What I want to know is what kind of hope is there – hope for less fighting – or is there real hope for an empathic, sensitive – give and take – we’re a team — I’ll do for you, you do for me — self-revealing relationship. Can this hope exist if there is no participation by my spouse?

  2. kimcooper said

    Hi Debbie,

    Only you can decide if it is time to call it quits or not and what is in your heart. In my situation with Steve his behavior has turned around and we are very close now and although many people have written to us having had similar results of course there is no guarantee. The advice you will learn in our ebooks and radio shows however will help you learn to protect yourself and also teach you emotional intelligence skills that will improve your relationships all around. For myself I was completely determined and committed to turning my relationship around. As I had been through a number of bad relationships I also decided that I needed to do this “in relationship” if it was going to work. What I mean is that in the past I had done a lot of personal development work between relationships and thought I was ready to fall in love again when I really was not. I finally recognized that I had a role in the problems too and figured that I was not going to change my own habits by running away. That was my choice and it paid off for me but I stress this was not easy and did take time and commitment on my part.

    So I guess what I am saying is that if you decide that you want to work things out our material will undoubtably be a great resource but the decision to do so and commitment needs to be your own. If I suggested to anyone to stay when it wasn’t really in their heart I doubt our material would help. On the other hand if you are interested in learning better relationship skills – whether you leave or stay I know we have a lot to offer.

    Ok so I hope this helps and it is great to hear that you are back to work, this will hopefully give you some extra independence and strength. If you decide to leave please be careful because for your own and your children’s sake it is important that this resolves the conflict rather than making it worse. I have some not so common advice on this subject in the last chapter of “Back from the Looking Glass” that while very counter intuitive did help me end the relationship I was in before Steve and end the conflict when this had gone on for a couple of years and the man I was with at that time was very volatile. Leaving can be a very dangerous time in a relationship and as tempting as it is to make leaving a kind of weapon or hurtful act, this is not wise and will have consequences into your own and your children’s future if you do. Much better to play it smart.

    Kim Cooper
    http://www.narcissismcured.com

  3. Joe Nyeste said

    Hi Kim & Steve,

    I liked what I read here and want to share that my recent experience with my wifes Narcississm that it is a family problem that started along time ago for her in her childhood. My wife revealed to me 4 years ago when we began dating that at age 8 she realized that she was not loved by her Mother & Father. That is so serious and unresolved within her today that she is so jealous over anyone that enjoys love. I couldnt understand it in the beginning. One more valuable insight before I go. My wifes mother is Classic Narcississtic because everything she does is a reflection of her image and she works extremely hard to present the “wonderful” woman.
    The apple doesnt fall from the tree, my wife is now aggressively pursuing her own wonderful image like her mother.

    Since I ended it, I am happier today than I was 3 weeks ago when I was in the relationship with my wife.I was in the pain of not being loved by my wife who I simply adored.
    My point in all this is that it is a genetic disorder that has been around for hundreds and hundreds of generations and it will continue to reproduce in our children and childrens children.

    Joe 🙂
    Akron, Ohio USA

  4. Eve said

    Dear Kim,

    Firstly, I wish to thank you because your blog has given me some hope.

    My husband has had 2 affairs with different women in the past 3 years. Most part of the relationship was through internet chat followed with meeting-up. When I found out about the first affair, be begged for forgiveness and to change. But hardly 2 years later, he started with the second affair.

    After reading your blog. I am quite convinced that he has NPD although he is not physically abusive. He has a temper and is impatient with certain members of the family particularly his own brother and our son.

    Although he exhibits other traits such as lying, being deceptive, he is not overly boastful. But he does have an obsession about looking good and has removed his facial moles to improve his outlook.

    He is also always speaking of how he hate being cheated by people and will go all out to revenge if anyone cheats him. I feel that this is threat to me to let me know that if I ever leave him, I am not allowed to humiliate him or he will sue me for defamation. This shows how much ego he has and will do anything at all cost to protect his image.

    Another factor is that his father is definitely an NPD who has infedelity tendencies. Something which my husband witnessed as a child and is tolerating until today. I believe he was badly hurt and is still hurting today to see his mother suffer this way.

    After being patient and remaining as best a wife as I could be, my husband has admitted to his addiction to online chats and we are now seeking counseling. However, I have read that counseling will not help and am worried that my actions will be futile.

    So far, only your blog has promised hope. And like you, I want to save my marriage. I wish to break this viscious cycle which will affect my children’s behaviour too. It is unfair for them to be expose to 2 generation of men with NPD and I want to protect my children and give them the life they deserve. So I am trying my very best to be patient and supportive although it hurts me to listen to his unemphatic accounts of ideal love with other women. Will my kind actions help?

    Even if he has been cured, will there be a risk of him repeating his mistakes in future? We are only 40 and still have many years ahead.

    I hope you will reply this. Thank you for showing me some light in what must be the bleakest moment in my life now.

    Sincerely,
    E

  5. kimcooper said

    Hi Joe,

    I am glad you are doing OK and feeling happier. I agree that this can certainly be passed down in families but I am not sure whether it is genetic or not. In Steve’s case him being forced to face this issue has helped him force his father to face it too by setting very clear and solid boundaries (especially around our kids). I know that it is not always possible to make someone face their NPD, but because it is so easily passed on I think that is all the more reason that it is important to try.

    Hang in there I and you stay focused on your goals now (-:

    Kim Cooper
    http://www.fightbusters.com

  6. kimcooper said

    Hi Eve,

    You will need much more than patience – you will also need razor sharp teeth (-:

    What I mean by that is I used to think I was tough when really I was a pushover and what changed
    things was me learning to get tough and put a stop to the abuse without losing my cool. That takes nerves
    of steel, but like you I had two generations of men that I did not want subverting my kids (including 2 boys)
    and so to me everything was on the line.

    If you haven’t subscribed to my email list yet please do. You will need my ebooks and a action
    plan and you will need to give yourself time to grow stronger but yes things can change.

    Please check out or products at the page here;

    http://www.narcissismcured.com/narcissistic-personality-disorder.html

    and subscribe if you want to receive a package deal on our ebooks.

    I am glad that you have found us and hang in the Eve,

    Kim Cooper
    http://www.fightbusters.com

  7. Joe said

    Hi KIm & Steve,
    Its been 6 weeks since Sandy and I have been a couple.
    I have accepted my codependancy personality disorder as my problem and now for 1 week so far I am in active recovery through a clinician and local Coda groups. I am writing because I watched the clip” Muriels Wedding” on your page of Narcissism in family and understood it much better this time than 6 months ago when I first watched it. Now I see the codependancy dysfunction disorder in the family more clearly.
    “Narcissism in the family is extremely hard to live with and unfortunately as some families are genetically prone to this disorder it may not appear as a lone case”.

    I respect you and Steve and simply want you help me to understand this a little better.
    Irregardless if it is genetic or not, the point is it causes severe harm and damage to family and their “personalities”. I have been surviving with this damage all my life.

    JOe 🙂

  8. kimcooper said

    Hi Joe,

    Sorry it took awhile for me to get back to you.

    Have you got my ebook 10 steps to Overcome Codependence?

    Kim Cooper
    http://www.narcissismcured.com

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