Are you confused and second guessing every move that you make, wondering if it is the right or wrong thing to do to win your partner’s love?

Kim and Steve tie it all together and give an overview of how to bring sanity back to your home and your relationship.

Please listen to the broadcast or read the transcript here

One Response to “The Bottom Line”

  1. Sarah said

    Hi, I discovered this site recently and find it very refreshing as most other sites just advise someone like me to get away (and most other people). My husband meets all the criteria for NPD, and like so many people here my marriage has been fraught with cycles of abuse, remorse/love/closeness and then distance and abuse again.

    I would like to work with your suggestions, but have some problems.

    I don’t know if I am strong enough to be the one in charge all the time, the one raising him (in addition to my 2 small children!)

    I have a lot of anger at how he has hurt me over ten years especially since has has acknowledged none of it – not the serious, not the minor -it is “all my fault” and do not know if I can keep this anger from surfacing – so far I have been miserable at this particularly when he does or sense something that reminds me of deeper or more serious abuse.

    But here is the main problem. I have asked him to leave home a month ago (we have had many separations but I always left, since he refused to no matter what the did and depsite me leaving with children…).

    I asked him because he was once again physically violent. I made a comment which provoked him (about being unhappy for years about something) and also texted when he wanted to sleep. He reacted by grabbing my metal phone, twisting it till it broke and smashing the screen. Shocked by the violence (it is always shocking), I tried to push him away. He folded me in half like a rag doll, sat on me and said in my air with his hand near my throat “if you touch me I will kill you”.

    Maybe it’s that this threat was worse somehow. Maybe its that I got stronger. But i kicked him out, despite him offering peace gifts etc.

    It’s been nearly a month, and he has agreed to personal and marital counseling. He seems to genuinely love me and keeps up the flowers and chocoloates etc.

    He does show small improvements sometimes, in speaking more softly and trying to listen, though he frequently hangs up the phone on me still if what I said bothers him or is “too emotional” or “too stupid”.

    So basically, I am concerned that if I keep him out of the house, I will lose him. And if I let him back at this early stage I may be setting myself up for inevitable abuse (and my children for trauma if they see or hear)

    What can I do?

    Thank you for your emails. I read them eagerly. They are so inspiring. You are so inspiring. Thank you for going against the grain, and making a different ending happen, and telling us all out there that are treated to the same tired advice (abusive -leave him). You guys are refreshing. And I’m so glad you made it.

    Sarah

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